The Tyranny of the "Shoulds"

How I spent my Summer: The end of Free Time

During difficult economic times, discussion of free time and vacations are often frowned upon. What we tend to forget is that taking time off is renewing. What we forget is that down time or free time helps us cope with stressful situations, increases our health, happiness, concentration and creatively.

I love teaching, but having a sabbatical this semester has helped me focus on reading and writing, it has made me realize how important “time off” from the usual (even if the usual is interesting and meaningful) is. The English word for leisure is derived from the Latin meaning to be permitted or to be free. Everyone should be permitted to be free at times. Industrialization and technological advancements were expected to result in an increase in free time. Unfortunately the opposite seems to have happened.

The average US worker spends approximately 1777 hours annually at work. Most Americans work at least 25% more than their parents and grandparents did 30 years ago. Research has found that more than 1 in 3 Americans says that they “always” feel rushed. While work is, of course, important, the lack of balance between work and other aspects of life leads to a decrease in the quality of work and an increase in poor health, lowered happiness, life satisfaction, and the quality of relationships. The United States has fewer allotted vacation time than any other industrialized nation. Americans are not even taking their average allotted 9 days of vacation each year. When we do take vacations, they are often working vacations. We not only plan shorter vacations, we attempt to do more during our short vacations often coming home from vacation exhausted. The average American vacation 20 years ago was more than one week, now it is less than 4 days. As a consequence stress related health problems have been on the rise and our satisfaction with life has decreased.  

            Free time is also gendered. Women have even less free time than men. When we do have free time we tend to spend it, often exclusively, in family related activities. Almost half of all women spend all of their “free time” in family related activities, not taking any time for themselves, only about one quarter of men do this. Family responsibilities such as cooking, cleaning, and care giving also tend to accompany women on their vacations. Everyone should be able to take a few days off.

As Psychologists Karen Horney said: Avoid the “Tyranny of the Shoulds”.

Thinking about my free time:

§  Remember who you are, what you enjoyed in childhood, remember your roots;

§  Tune into your thoughts, feelings, and intuitions; do not do something because it is the latest craze, because your friends are doing it, or you feel you should do it;  

§  Live in present;

§  Try new things, stay tuned to changes in your interests, challenge yourself regardless of your age;

§  Acknowledge your dreams;

§  If something provides you with a sense of “Flow” do it as often as you can.  

Pair your free time activities with Flow activities. Psychologists Csíkszentmihályi's discussed optimal activities which promote a sense of “Flow”. These are activities which we do with active engagement and mindfulness. Activities that lead to immersion. Flow activities are different for each person, I experience a sense of flow when I hike, read, cook, others through painting, listening or playing music, writing, running, playing tennis. Any activity can lead to Flow if it is challenging, interesting, focuses our attention. If we find it rewarding and lose a sense of our own consciousness we have achieved Flow.

What sorts of activities give you a sense of flow?

What can of free time activities provide you with renewal, relaxation, help you alleviate stress, promote or maintain ties with people you care about, alleviate depression, and make you happier?