Kaffee und Kuchen

Kaffee und Kuchen

I have been spending some days in Berlin. The weather has been typical--cool and crisp, occasionally rainy.  During the brief periods of sun Berliners eagerly make their way outdoors, to sit in cafés, to drink a coffee, or a beer. Then they might take a stroll in a park. I am sitting in a small café and have just spent a very pleasant 30 minutes chatting with a Hilda, a women in her 80’s who used a cane to make her way into the café.   As she entered she said, quite cheerfully:

“It’s a lovely afternoon, the sun is shining, I have just taken my walk in the Tiergarten and now I am having a coffee and cake.”

As the Turkish woman who runs the café greeted her pleasantly and took her order, she made her way to the small table next to mine and we began chatting. I told her I was visiting from the U.S. and that I taught and studied well-being and aging. She was excited to fill me in on her version of healthy aging.

“Walk, stay active, keep a positive attitude, cope with change, and strike up conversations with whoever is available and interested.”

In this case I was pleased to have become Hilda’s conversational partner. In a mere 30 minutes, she had stunningly summarized 30 years of aging research. 

What Hilda did not say, what she took for granted; was her access to places where she could walk, drink coffee or eat a meal, and chat comfortably without being pressured to leave. Not all places provide the opportunity for these simple and important daily pleasures. In my work exploring third spaces (places and spaces that are not our homes or our places of work) cafés, parks with walking trails, fresh food markets, and reasonably priced restaurants, having access to such places promotes health and happiness for people of all ages.  But with age such access becomes crucial. Such access reduces isolation, promotes happiness and well-being. And yet older people often find themselves in isolated and isolating spaces.  Perhaps they fear going out into a “dangerous neighborhood.  Perhaps they cannot find a store that offers fresh healthy food at reasonable prices. 

Social science research has proven a direct relationship between physical and social activity and health and happiness. For many of us long working hours and lack of access to walking trails or to healthy often leads to lack of activity and poor eating habits, which, in turn, accounts for high rates of obesity and increases in diabetes and heart disease.

When you embark upon any journey the only certainty is that it will be very different from what you anticipate. For my three-week trip to Germany, my former home, I planned relatively structured days of work and family visits. Instead Berlin enticed me and I fell in love with the city. I walked for many miles in the Tiergarten and thought about the next stages of my work and my life. Berlin invites you to walk and think and the past, the present and the future.

You can’t really see or feel Berlin (or any place), if you don’t walk through the city. My walking days in Berlin left me with a sense of existential renewal, a freshened perspective. While I walked, I took breaks in cafés and had conversations with elders, like Hilda.  Accordingly, Berlin is a great place to explore the notion of third spaces. The Tiergarten (a large park in the middle of the city) is one of the greatest third spaces I have encountered. Spanning several Kilometers, like Central Park in NYC or Fairmont Park in Philadelphia, it is in the middle of Germany’s most populous city. It is a good place to exercise, relax, and walk with a friend, drink a beer, snack on a sausage or eat a meal. Because the Tiergarten is brightly lit up with lovely old-fashioned lights, it is possible to walk or jog at all hours. Bicycles are available for rent at almost every corner for 8 to 12 Euros a day.  Well-marked bike paths crisscross through the park and follow many of the major thoroughfares in the city.  In public spaces, there are many places to rest. Benches are often situated in front of lovely ponds. 

Even on cold winter days, Hilda takes daily walks in the Tiergarten. She makes her way along one of the paths to the café where we are now chatting. She says that it is about 2 kilometers from the cafe to her apartment. One of here neighbors, also in her 80’s, often accompanies here.  After coffee and cake, they do their daily marketing and walk home.

This access to fresh air, exercise, and fresh food has resulted in a healthier old age for Germany’s elders.  In Germany, roughly 25% of the population is over 65. Unlike much of the rest of the world, German elders are not terribly stressed about finances and the high cost of health care. Germany, in fact, provides universal health care for its citizens. Of course there are challenges to providing a wide ranges of services an increasingly large population of elders, especially given Germany’s low birth rate. Accordingly, Germany has one of the highest percentages of elders around the world. In the next 20 years, Germany expects to have 7 million fewer people of working age and 8.5 million more people who are ready to retire. There are now four workers supporting each retiree. Within a generation there could be just two. 

With important demographic changes taking place around the world, it is important to explore avenues that help the large number of older men and women stay healthy and happy and perhaps employed, at least on a part time basis. One important way of promoting well-being and happiness as people age is to provide health promoting infrastructures like the ones in Berlin.

Reflection on Norus

Norus: Reflecting on Spring Rituals

         Spring is celebrated and acknowledged in different ways around the world.  When I was a child one of the most important celebrations of spring was Norus. Norus is the Persian New Year. It is an ancient Zoroastrian holiday celebrated with rituals and traditions that focus on the beginning and end of life, rebirth, and good and evil in the world. For those who celebrate Norus, it is a holiday that provides an opportunity to take a break from the life’s routine; to take stock; to reflect; to make amends for past misdeeds; and to clean and organize one’s physical, social, and psychological spaces.

          With age, this season takes on new meanings, the passing of time becomes more and more a time of reflection and reminiscence. In preparation for Norus, we clean and organize our houses, take care of money matters and attempt to deal with unfinished business. We plant flowers and seeds, buy new clothes,  repair household items and furniture, give gifts, make charitable donations.

The New Year begins at the exact moment of spring. Families gather around a special New Year table, the “haf-sin.” This table is spread with a cloth and arranged with items that represent the seasons of life. Special prayers, asking for health and happiness in the coming year, are read. At least seven different kinds of foods are placed on the haf-sin table. Each begins with the S called sin in Farsi. The foods are symbolic of life, health, wealth, abundance, love, patience, and purity. Sabzee ( wheat or lentil sprouts) represents rebirth; samanu (a creamy pudding made from wheat germ is regarded as purity) seeb (an apple) symbolizes health and beauty; senjid (dried fruit represents love) sir (garlic) is seen as medicinal and represents health; somagh (the sumac berry) is the color of sun and suggests the victory of good over temptations and evil, and serkeh (vinegar) or wine, represents  old age and patience.

Special New Year meals include rice with herbs “Sabzi polo,” fish, and Ash, a soup dish made from spinach and herbs, to which noodles are added for the New Year. The round shape of the noodles symbolizes the cycle and renewal of life. The first twelve days of the New Year is an important time. Shops are closed. Relatives visit each other, beginning with visits to elders. Children receive new money or eidi as New Year presents.

In Iran on the last Wednesday of the year (chahar shanbeh suri) bonfires are lit in public places. These fires represent enlightenment and happiness in the coming year. People of all ages leap over the flames, shouting and asking for health, happiness, and beauty; it is believed that this is a night when one’s ancestors visit. It is also a night to expel evil spirits and bring in good spirits. By the light of the bonfire, people, especially young boys, run through the streets banging pots and pans with spoons in order to beat out the last unlucky days of the old year. Like Halloween in the U.S., they knock on doors to ask for treats. In order to make wishes come true, special foods are baked and distributed, especially for older people and for those in need. Dried nuts, fruits, pistachios, roasted chick peas; almond, hazelnuts, figs, apricots, and raisins are mixed together and given away for good luck.

          On the 13th day of New Year, sizdeh bedar, it is considered unlucky to stay indoors. Accordingly, it is a day for picnicking. Windows and doors are left open in empty houses so that evil spirits and bad luck can be swept out with the fresh air. During the picnic, sabzee or greens grown from wheat or lentil seeds on the half-sin table are thrown into a stream or river or other running water to symbolize the passing of life and to remove bad luck from past deeds. After the 13^th day, one is rested and  renewed with new hope. The routine of life begins again.

          My Norus reflections this year lead me to thoughts of self-compassion. During this time of social and political criticism it is useful to think of compassion for others and ourselves. How can we view ourselves more kindly? This question is being addressed by psychologists. Sometimes it is easier to be supportive and understanding of others as we treat ourselves harshly by focusing on failures like being self-focused, unkind, over-indulgent.  Psychological research suggests that “giving ourselves a break” and accepting our imperfections may be the first step toward better health and happiness and even toward a better acceptance of the imperfections of others. People who score high on tests of self-compassion have less depression and anxiety in their lives, and tend to be happier and more optimistic. Researchers suggest that taking “compassion breaks,” meditating by repeating a  mantra like “I’m going to be kind to myself as well as others,” brings positive results. Self-compassion consists of self-kindness, common humanity (seeing ourselves as part of a larger human experience) and mindfulness.     

    

          The rites and rituals of Norus, honoring elders, organizing our lives; planting and gardening; walking in nature; having a picnic; reflecting and reminiscing; are also ideal for also developing self- compassion.  Make Norus a time of giving, a time of generosity to others and yourself, reflect on the past, be mindful about the present, resolve past conflicts, make plans for the future. Take time out to meditate and reminisce. Reminiscence can lead to making sense of past experiences, integrating the past with the present, (Who was I then) with (Who am I now). It can help us resolve past conflicts, help us shed past burdens and concerns, develop new purpose in life, make us happier and more satisfied with our connections and relationships.

    

The Healing Power of Third Spaces: My neighbor cut down his Japanese maple

Nature cures—not the physician.

Hippocrates

This morning I woke up to the unpleasant sound of a saw cutting down a lovely Japanese Maple tree in my neighbor’s small garden. This very pleasant man who is a “graphic artist” has been, to our amazement and dismay, systematically desecrating all of his bushes into the shape of unidentifiable stumps. His most recent carnage, however, is outrages. Running outside, I asked the man in charge of the tree cutting team what was going on? His response, this from a man who cuts down trees for a living, was to shake his head and say “I do not understand it; healthy Maple trees like this add value to your property.”

I often tell an old Sufi story in my courses on aging and health: A young prince was riding by on a horse when he spotted an old man struggling to plant a small tree. He stopped his horse and got down to help the old man. After the tree was planted, the prince said: “Agah why are you struggling to plant trees at a time of your life when you should be sitting in the shade of a tree?” The old man responded:  “I love sitting in the shade of a tree, but someone planted all the trees that have given me comfort during my life. As long as I am able, I want to plant trees for others to enjoy.”

The word paradise comes from the old Persian language. Paradise is visualized as a natural place filled with trees and flowers and streams. It is seen as peaceful place that promotes, not affluence or luxury, but contentment and happiness.  When I was a child in Iran walking to school in the dusty streets of Teheran, there were hundreds of newly planted small trees being watered daily, painstakingly by hand, in order to ensure their survival. These trees helped fight the endless pollution, they cleaned the air, just enough to make the walk a little more pleasant. The oldest tree in the world still lives in Iran.  This cypress tress is in the Yazd province, is from the dawn of civilization, it is 4000 years old, a shrine, a national monument. It is probably the oldest living thing in Asia.

In my work as a psychologist studying health and happiness in middle and later adulthood, there is a very interesting and promising area of study, eco psychology. Eco psychology focuses on the relationship between people and nature. The premise of eco-psychology is that there is a connection between all living things, when our connection with nature is severed we cannot thrive, we become unhappy, unhealthy, we lose sight of our true selves. All too often the importance and healing nature of the relationship between people and nature gets lost. Clearly my neighbor has lost his sight of this relationship.

When we stop to smell the flowers, walk up a hill or mountainside, sit in a field, the experience humbles us, it is also restorative and healing. After the frustration of my neighbor’s senseless act, the only thing I could do was take a walk in the park.  In the words of Søren Kierkegaard

Above all, do not lose your desire to walk.
Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being,
and walk away from every illness.
I have walked myself into my best thoughts,
and I know of no thought so burdensome
that one cannot walk away from it.

the end of vacations continued, interesting story

Survey: Americans Will Forfeit $34 Billion Worth Of Vacation Days In 2011 : NPR

www.npr.org

The survey found that most Americans said they didn't take vacation because they could not afford it.

The Tyranny of the "Shoulds"

How I spent my Summer: The end of Free Time

During difficult economic times, discussion of free time and vacations are often frowned upon. What we tend to forget is that taking time off is renewing. What we forget is that down time or free time helps us cope with stressful situations, increases our health, happiness, concentration and creatively.

I love teaching, but having a sabbatical this semester has helped me focus on reading and writing, it has made me realize how important “time off” from the usual (even if the usual is interesting and meaningful) is. The English word for leisure is derived from the Latin meaning to be permitted or to be free. Everyone should be permitted to be free at times. Industrialization and technological advancements were expected to result in an increase in free time. Unfortunately the opposite seems to have happened.

The average US worker spends approximately 1777 hours annually at work. Most Americans work at least 25% more than their parents and grandparents did 30 years ago. Research has found that more than 1 in 3 Americans says that they “always” feel rushed. While work is, of course, important, the lack of balance between work and other aspects of life leads to a decrease in the quality of work and an increase in poor health, lowered happiness, life satisfaction, and the quality of relationships. The United States has fewer allotted vacation time than any other industrialized nation. Americans are not even taking their average allotted 9 days of vacation each year. When we do take vacations, they are often working vacations. We not only plan shorter vacations, we attempt to do more during our short vacations often coming home from vacation exhausted. The average American vacation 20 years ago was more than one week, now it is less than 4 days. As a consequence stress related health problems have been on the rise and our satisfaction with life has decreased.  

            Free time is also gendered. Women have even less free time than men. When we do have free time we tend to spend it, often exclusively, in family related activities. Almost half of all women spend all of their “free time” in family related activities, not taking any time for themselves, only about one quarter of men do this. Family responsibilities such as cooking, cleaning, and care giving also tend to accompany women on their vacations. Everyone should be able to take a few days off.

As Psychologists Karen Horney said: Avoid the “Tyranny of the Shoulds”.

Thinking about my free time:

§  Remember who you are, what you enjoyed in childhood, remember your roots;

§  Tune into your thoughts, feelings, and intuitions; do not do something because it is the latest craze, because your friends are doing it, or you feel you should do it;  

§  Live in present;

§  Try new things, stay tuned to changes in your interests, challenge yourself regardless of your age;

§  Acknowledge your dreams;

§  If something provides you with a sense of “Flow” do it as often as you can.  

Pair your free time activities with Flow activities. Psychologists Csíkszentmihályi's discussed optimal activities which promote a sense of “Flow”. These are activities which we do with active engagement and mindfulness. Activities that lead to immersion. Flow activities are different for each person, I experience a sense of flow when I hike, read, cook, others through painting, listening or playing music, writing, running, playing tennis. Any activity can lead to Flow if it is challenging, interesting, focuses our attention. If we find it rewarding and lose a sense of our own consciousness we have achieved Flow.

What sorts of activities give you a sense of flow?

What can of free time activities provide you with renewal, relaxation, help you alleviate stress, promote or maintain ties with people you care about, alleviate depression, and make you happier? 

third spaces, a walk in the park

Third spaces promote community and well being. Ray Oldenburg and other sociologists and psychologists have written about the importance of public spaces that promote well being and happiness. In his book The Great Good Place, Oldenburg demonstrates why places that people can gather are important to health and happiness. They help build and develop community life. Oldenburg says that places like parks, restaurants, book shops, bars, coffee shops, general stores, and other “third places” (in contrast to the first and second places of home and work), are important to overall happiness.
By exploring how these places work and what roles they serve, in his book Oldenburg offers place-making tools and insight for individuals and communities.
My life is significantly enriched by Rockford Park, a large park with woods, picnic area's, dog park, near my house. Every day I walk my dog, chat with neighbors, and exercise in the park. I am endlessly thankful to have this available.

Share your third space with readers. where is it? what does it provide?